Back in the Saddle

Firstly, I was really sad to hear about Carrie's cycle. She and I have a lot in common on the IF/miscarriage front (among other things), and it would do my heart good to see success for her - for her sake, and to give me some hope it might work for me too.

We are unexpectedly back to treatment again. We were waiting for news on our donor cycle - we're near the top of the list but there's been a bit of a lull in donors/egg-sharers. So we decided to revert to the plan we had before we knew we were near the top of the DE list and go for an IUI cycle.

Having looked at the IUI thread on my favourite IF message board, I feel like this may be insanity. Those girls are mostly just starting out on their IF journey and I couldn't see a miscarriage listed in their sigs at all. It makes sense for them because IUI is what you do when you're in the early stages. But for someone with five years of trying, six months of Clomid, a failed IVF, endless IF/miscarriage testing and 6 early losses behind them . . .

However, we've established (due to the 6 pregnancies, no matter how short they were) that we can conceive without IVF. My AMH levels (hormone that indicates ovarian reserve) suggests that there's still some eggs in there. CM has some sperm issues, so the wash and scrub-up they'll get before their journey might do some good. Plus, the lovely clinic will let me have clexane with the IUI cycle to take account of my clotting issues and will also give me an HCG booster a week after insemination, which MIGHT help. Given my HCG levels have been abysmally low on the 3 pregnancies for which I had a blood test, it's possible that I have corpus luteum problems. Maybe, might, possibly - you can tell I'm not letting myself get too hopeful. 

That, and my hypochondriac nature is giving me panic attacks that the baseline scan (my first proper one in more than a year - apart from a quickie for the AMH level when they couldn't find my left ovary!!!) will show something nasty in there like endometrial or ovarian cancer. Oh, and the consultant I spoke to on the phone wondered who had told us to do a donor egg cycle as my losses were unlikely to be genetic and more likely to be "me". Yikes! Once I was able to talk again, I pointed out I was doing the DE cycle at HIS clinic and that all the losses were around 6 weeks AND I'd had every conventional miscarriage test and then some and, apart from some controversial immune issues that they wouldn't treat anyway, there's nothing amiss that some aspirin and clexane shouldn't fix. He then said that such early losses were pretty much a mystery to the medics and that just about anything I did from hereon in should be considered "suck it and see" thing. I felt miserable after this, but actually - he's right! I knew all this already - it's just hard to hear it from someone else. 

But, if anyone out there is reading this and knows anything at all about early pregnancy loss and donor eggs - is he right on that? Because 3 other IF/miscarriage folk have told me it was "the next thing to try" and everything I've read about very early losses suggests that genetic issues are the main cause. Hmmm!

Five by Five

Oh dear goodness - it's been 2 months since my last post. To be honest, when I started this blog, all baby-matters were on hold because of other health issues and so it felt a bit odd to have a blog about our attempts to become parents when there was no "attempting" going on, so I've felt a bit of a fraud. However, things have taken a significant turn in the last few weeks. The tummy consultant gave me the go-ahead to start fertility treatment again and, in the same week, just as we were wondering whether to try a round of IUI while deciding what to do next, our clinic called to say we were nearly at the top of the donor egg list and could we come in for an "implications" counselling session and to sign consents. Apparently, we could be matched and in a DE cycle within 2-3 months! Eek! And more of that to come in another post, I imagine.

This post, though, is inspired by the wonderful Carrie, over on Precious Little, who has tagged me and given me a big dig in the ribs to get on and post something . . . anything! Apparently, I need to come up with a list of hot men - what a trial ;-). There doesn't seem to be a limit on numbers, but five seemed a sensible number  - couldn't possibly put in fewer and if I went on longer I might not stop! So, in no particular order, I give you:

George Clooney

I know that finding George Clooney attractive is a terrible cliche but, in my defence, it took me a while to see the hotness. I was more into Anthony Edwards in the early ER days, and it was only once I'd seen a couple of interviews with George that I started to get it. He is witty, self-depracating and seems to have genuine principles. So I love him for his mind - honest.

Steve McQueen

I know I said "in no particular order", but I reckon that if I had to put them in order, Steve would come first. Mostly because he was the first famous person I really fancied (apart from a couple of seriously dodgy crushes on 80s pop stars - I'm not even going to tell you - far too embarrassing). In my mid to late teens I used to babysit for a couple who liked staying out really late and so I ended up watching odd things on telly in the early hours (this was the 80s remember - Channel 4 was brand new and cable was something they had in America). One of the first things Steve McQueen starred in was a TV western called Wanted: Dead or Alive, which was shown at about 1am on a Friday or Saturday night on ITV (I think). Now, I generally avoid Westerns like the plague, but with Steve in it I found that one unmissable. A troubled character in real life, a bad boy in many ways, and not at all the kind of guy I would go for in real life, but I still adore him. I have a bit of a thing for Daniel Craig simply because he reminds me of Steve.

Joe Duttine

I have no idea what I first saw this guy in - it may have been a fairly mediocre comedy called Holding the Baby - and I couldn't really tell you what it is I find hot about him. He has a northern accent, which I rather like, and he has brown eyes - I'm a sucker for brown eyes. I don't know - it's a mystery! Also, I feel I really need to include a Brit, since all the others are from the US.

Gary Dourdan

This man is just beautiful! Those eyes - [sigh]. CSI is one of my favourite shows - the original being the best. I like CSI: NY too - see the next hottie - but I cannot watch CSI: Miami because David Caruso makes me want to shout at the telly. He took Jimmy Smits' (another gorgeous man!) place in NYPD Blue and I can't forgive him for it. And as for all the dramatic poses, his mannered handling of his sunglasses and oddly phrased speech - SO irritating. But back to Gary - yum!

Gary Sinise

Another Gary, another CSI guy. I liked him long before CSI though. I think it may have been in Apollo 13 that I first saw him. Again, a bit like Joe Duttine, I'm not sure what it is I go for in him. He's a musician as well as an actor and strikes me as a decent bloke in real life. I was really happy when he was announced as the lead in the new CSI franchise and he's doing a great job of it.

Do you know, I'm rather enjoying looking for nice-looking guys on the web. I'm beginning to regret restricting myself to five. But I'll stick to my word. Being new to this blog thing and not knowing any other bloggers well enough to tag (or hardly at all, actually), I'll open this one up to anyone who wants to spend a happy hour or so trawling Google images for pics of men they fancy - it beats reading up on infertility as a pick-me-up!!