Sunday, May 5, 2013

Never Simple

So . . . I have a 7 cell day 3 embryo on board. 

Of the three we had to defrost, one was a no-hoper (lost 7 out of its 8 cells), one lost 5 out of its 9 cells and they'll culture it on but don't have much hope for it and the one that went back kept 7 out of 8 cells. So no choosing from three lovely day 5 blasts for me but a clear decision for a day 3 which takes some of the agonising out of it.

Feeling pretty miserable though as the bl**dy ring pessary I have for my prolapse had to come out for transfer and wouldn't go back in properly. Ended up at the hospital gynae ward but they couldn't sort it out fully and I've now got a bigger size of ring but it's still not sitting properly AND I'm terrified that all the pushing and shoving down there will have ruined any chance of this working :(. As post transfer techniques go, it's hardly ideal! Feel particularly miserable about the possibility of letting my son down by not giving him a sibling.

Test date is Fri 17th but I'll POAS  before then. The problem with the ring also has implications if I do get pregnant, as it suggests the prolapse has worsened. The only treatment for prolapse while you're pregnant is the ring pessary but it seems my muscle-tone is now so poor that it wont stay in place at all. So there may come a point where bedrest is the only alternative which would be disastrous with my clotting issues (need to remain relatively active). If anyone out there has any knowledge or experience of pregnancy with prolapse, I'd love to hear it - I can find almost nothing online

Ugh - just feel miserable. 


Rebecca said...

I'm sorry you're feeling miserable at this point. I don't know anything about prolapse, so there's nothing I can share on that front.

With regard to your son, whatever the outcome, you won't be letting him down. There are people who have no siblings but grow up near their cousins, and their cousins become like siblings to them. (If I recall correctly, your sister and her family are moving near you, so your son will have cousins nearby.) I have a couple of friends who have that situation. In other cases, people have no siblings (or half-siblings they didn't grow up with), and they have friends who become like siblings to them. (That's my case - the half-sibling version.) In other cases, people have siblings, they have normal sibling relationships, and when they grow up they grow apart and are closer to their friends than they are to their siblings. (That's the case with my DH. RIght now we see his brother and sister at all of the family gatherings, but once his parents pass, which hopefully won't be for at least a few more decades as they're only in their early 60s and they are great, I don't know that we'll see his brother and sister very often.)

I know there are people who have wonderful life-long bonds with their siblings. (And I'm guessing that is probably the case with you and your sister, since you're looking forward to her moving nearby.) But even when great parents like my in-laws raise good kids, it's not a guarantee that the siblings will be close as they grow up. And kids have a way of finding other close connections (friends, other relatives) to fill that relationship need when they don't have siblings. So please let yourself off the hook if it doesn't work out. If that does turn out to be the situation, you will have done everything you could, and that's all anyone could ask of you.

In the meantime, I am thinking positive thoughts for you.

Silver said...

Thanks so much Rebecca. You're right about this sibling thing, of course. It is my own relationship with my sister on which I'm basing my attitude to siblings. I think I'm also concerned that we are so much older than the parents of most 2-year-olds and I hate the idea that he might be on his own earlier than he should be (like - ever). My sister and her kids have moved in round the corner and it's been a bit of a bumpy ride for reasons I can't really go into on here, but my wee boy does spend time with his cousins and they do love him - and he them. If this doesn't work, we'll just have to make sure we help him to build strong friendships and good relationships with his cousins.

Journey Girl said...

I am so sorry that you are having such a bad time, these bloody cycles are sooooo hard. I understand how you feel about having a sibling for your darling boy but I am sure that he will eventually understand what you have done to make that happened (i.e. moved heaven and earth!!).

I don't know anything about the prolapse but if you get put on bed rest, can you not have blood thinner injections? I am still having them now? It's a pain but worth it.